


you are wildfire and i'm standing in the rain

by colourmeblue



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Comfort, Cuddling, F/F, Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-05
Updated: 2019-10-05
Packaged: 2020-11-23 05:54:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,348
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20887205
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/colourmeblue/pseuds/colourmeblue
Summary: Yasha’s room is familiar, yet… not.The wildflowers that Jester painted are still as vibrant as ever, but it’s as if her mood immediately draws the colour right out of them.





	you are wildfire and i'm standing in the rain

**Author's Note:**

> An idea I had that would also be flawless fan art. If only I could draw. Spoilers up to C2E69, I guess?

The first night Yasha is back with the Nein, it’s uncomfortable. Fjord and Nott remain unsure, Caleb has only said a few brief words to her, and Caduceus is his usual pensive self. Everyone seems largely on edge, as if Yasha’s going to turn on them again at any moment. 

It’s not unusual for Yasha to feel out-of-place or alone, and she expected it to some degree upon returning to the Nein. However, actually _ experiencing _ it is another thing entirely. She’s unable to just open up and tell them that she’s not going to hurt them. Who would believe her? Would she even believe herself? She has no idea what’s in store for them, or if Obann is really gone for good. If this experience has taught her anything, it’s that she can’t get comfortable, and she can’t anticipate anything that’s going to happen.

However, there’s one aspect of her return that she didn’t anticipate, but is actually welcome.

Jester’s been by her side since they returned home, and for the past twenty minutes, has been chatting away as if nothing had even happened. Yasha knows Jester isn’t ignoring it completely, there’s a certain look in her eyes that Yasha knows very well. She’s worried, but she isn’t treating her any differently than she normally would. There’s nothing Yasha wants more than for everyone to treat her the way they always did, and Jester is doing just that.

Beau has been keeping her distance, which Yasha would normally be concerned about, if she wasn’t watching her from across the room. Yasha knows Beau well enough at this point to realise that she just doesn’t know how to approach her. Which is fair, given the circumstances. The two of them tend to have their important moments when either of them least expects it. Yasha is willing to give it time.

She probably wouldn’t know what to do if everyone started asking her questions anyway. She was still trying to process everything she saw and remembered while under Obann’s control. All those people she killed and everyone she hurt without meaning to. Except, the line between her own actions and Obann’s feels more blurred than ever before. And once she starts thinking about it, it becomes a snowball effect that she can’t stop.

Eventually, Jester’s voice fades away beside her and she is consumed by the horrors that she has caused.

\------

Yasha’s room is familiar, yet… not.

The wildflowers that Jester painted are still as vibrant as ever, but it’s as if her mood immediately draws the colour right out of them.

She tries to ignore the emotions that are bubbling to the surface by curling up on her bed, face to the wall. She can hear the muffled speech of the rest of the party in various other rooms of their place, and she isn’t even asleep before she hears light footsteps approaching her door.

“Yasha? I understand if you want to be left alone, but... do you mind if I come in?”

It’s easily recognisable as Jester’s voice, and Yasha debates saying nothing and pretending she’s asleep. However, for the first time in a while, she admits to herself that she doesn’t want to be alone right now.

“No, you… you can come in, Jester.”

The door opens so slowly that the hinges creak prominently. To be polite, Yasha lifts her head and turns it slightly, so she can at least _ see _ Jester, but her body stays in the same position as it was previously.

“I’m tired and I was going to go to bed but… I don’t think I’d be able to sleep properly.” Yasha can see Jester shrug out of the corner of her eye. “I was just wondering if you felt the same way. I know you probably don’t want to talk, and that’s okay.”

“I wouldn’t even know what to say, really.” Even just the memories of hurting the party during their encounters with Obann is enough to make Yasha go quiet.

“Do you… mind if I sit down?”

Yasha shakes her head, moving her head so that it’s back in its previous position. Feeling vulnerable in the middle of a conversation with nowhere to run is _ not _ somewhere Yasha wants to be. She felt as if she was making progress in that department before all of this happened.

When Yasha feels the bed dip with Jester’s weight, she feels herself curl up even more.

Jester places a hand on Yasha’s arm. “You don’t have to bottle all of this up forever, you know? Even if you don’t want to talk now… I’m here all the time.” Without even looking, Yasha can tell that her statement is punctuated by a smile.

She wishes she deserved Jester’s company in any capacity. She really does.

“Thank you, Jester. I think I just…” Yasha pauses for a moment, choosing her words carefully. “I don’t think I want to talk right now, but… you don’t have to leave.”

“Okay. I’ll stay a little while then,” Jester decides, and Yasha can feel her making herself more comfortable on the bed.

“You said you were tired, you could, uh…” Yasha shrugs before finishing her sentence, “try and get some sleep here. If you want.” As much as she doesn’t want to be alone, she doesn’t want to keep Jester from her rest either. It’s been a trying couple of days for everyone, and she’s no doubt tapped out of spells.

Jester is no Molly, but Yasha doesn’t mind being close to her. Jester doesn’t seem to need any more encouraging, as she kicks off her boots and flops backwards onto the bed with a sigh. Turning towards Yasha, she smiles. “I’m glad you’re back, Yasha.”

Yasha rolls onto her back, finding herself face-to-face with Jester, which catches her off-guard for a moment. “Yeah… Me, too.” Molly was the closest she had been with a person since Zuala, but Jester is very slowly creeping into that territory. She makes Yasha feel comfortable, albeit nervous at times, and she’s been in her corner far more often than anyone else has. “You were the one looking out for me… scrying on me and all of that.”

Jester smiles gently. “I knew you hadn’t given up yet. You were holding on, you just needed us to come find you.”

Jester’s endless optimism is something that Yasha needs more of in her life. There’s certainly a reason why she’s been pulled in by Jester’s gravitational force. She’s immediately drawn to that kind of person in general.

“It… It was a lot. So… thank you.” It’s the most Yasha can say without _ really _ talking about it. She’s not ready for that much just yet.

Jester’s grin only grows brighter. “Oh, Yasha, you’re very welcome!” She reaches out, wrapping her arms around Yasha’s larger frame and squeezing tightly.

Yasha doesn’t recoil in the way she normally would. Jester helped save her life and helped her come home. She thinks they’ve gotten to a point now where they can hug without Yasha withdrawing immediately. 

“Is this okay?”

“Oh. Yeah.” Yasha nods, focusing very intently on Jester’s arm that is now lazy thrown over her waist and doesn’t appear to be moving. Yasha really doesn’t mind, especially when she invited Jester to get some sleep here to begin with. “Molly and I… we used to do this kind of thing.”

Jester lifts her head slightly. “Oh, you did?”

“Yes.” Yasha takes a long pause. “I’m almost glad… I mean, I’m glad he didn’t have to see me the way I was with Obann.”

“He’s proud of you, _ for sure _.” Jester gives an affirming nod, as if the words had come straight from Molly’s lips. “You were a badass back there.”

Yasha’s expression softens immediately. “I hope so.” She hasn’t really spoken with anyone about Molly since his death. Much like Zuala, she shut it away and only ever used the pain to channel her rage in battle.

Jester only nestles in more, and Yasha finds herself relaxing against the simplicity of touch and warmth, which she hasn’t experienced in such a long time.

\-----

Yasha is the first to fall asleep, being much more exhausted than her body and mind had originally let on. Jester lies awake for quite a while, endlessly fascinated at the fact that Yasha even let her in the room, let alone sleep in her bed. Nothing fills Jester with more warmth than knowing that she’s gotten through to her in one way or another. All she’s ever wanted is for Yasha to know that she’s here for her, which has been made difficult by the rest of the party’s attitudes towards rescuing her.

Upon hearing footsteps approaching Yasha’s door, Jester turns her head just in time to see Beau poking her head through.

“Beau!” Jester whispers loudly. “Get your butt in here!”

“Oh, shit.” Beau looks at the situation, mouth hanging open slightly. “I, uh, I didn’t know you were here. I just… came to check on Yasha.”

Jester smiles gently. “That’s very sweet of you, Beau.”

“Yeah, well…” Beau shrugs it off. “I figured I’ve been avoiding her enough, y’know? I don’t want her to think I hate her or something.”

“Yes, because we all know it’s the opposite of that.” Jester wiggles her eyebrows suggestively, which only causes Beau to smile in an amused fashion.

“Look, I can just… talk to her when she’s awake. It’s cool. I’m just glad to see she has some company.”

“No, you should come in!” Jester makes a very obvious gesture towards the small space left on the bed beside her.

Beau’s mouth hangs open even more as she looks at the bed. “I’m… uh…”

It’s then that Jester feels movement in her arms, and turns back to see that Yasha has awoken. Bleary-eyed and groggy, Yasha’s limbs feel heavier than usual as she attempts to wake up. ”Oh… Hello, Beau.”

“I’m sorry! I just… I wanted to check on you. I’m sorry to wake you up.”

Jester ignores her. “I was just telling Beau that she should come in. She’s feeling a little emotional after today, too. She wanted to make sure you were okay.”

Despite the blatant disregard for what she had said, Jester didn’t exactly _ lie _ about Beau’s motives. “Uh, yeah. I mean… I just- I didn’t think it through very well. It’s pretty late.”

Yasha blinks a couple of times in her drowsy state. “You can come in, if you’d like.”

“Oh.” Honestly, Beau didn’t expect either of them to invite her in. She’s not even really sure what compels her to accept, but before she knows it, she’s wandering over to the place where Jester’s hand is placed. 

Beau sits down awkwardly, but it’s only for a moment before Jester grabs her arm and tugs her down onto the bed beside them. Beau’s cheeks flush wildly. While this isn’t what she had in mind when she thought of getting Yasha into bed, her heart is racing enough that it may not know the difference.

“C’mere, Beau.” Jester grabs her arm, wrapping it around her as she makes a noise of contentment. Beau’s fingertips brush the edge of Yasha’s waist. “We’re not talking about what happened yet. Yasha just wants some company.”

Beau nods. “Okay.” She had some sort of strange apology and probably very awkward reassurance in the back of her throat, but she lets it go for now. “This is… not the kind of company I’m used to giving, but I’ll take it.”

Yasha lets out a low chuckle, and Jester says her name with mild disapproval. She made Yasha laugh, that’s all that matters.

“Next time we can take off our clothes so Beau can be more comfortable.” Yasha’s voice is almost deadpan, but there’s a slight hint of amusement.

Beau’s heart, brain, and everything else in her body drops to her stomach. “Uh… I mean…”

Jester snorts with an adorable laugh before cuddling in closer to the both of them. Yasha lets out a content sigh, which Beau’s sure she’s never heard from her before. She hadn’t really been feeling sleepy leading up to this, her mind racing with thoughts of Yasha being controlled by Obann, but now her eyelids begin to droop.

Cuddling? Not something she does regularly. Does she enjoy it with Jester and Yasha? Perhaps.

\------

Jester wakes before anyone else.

The three of them have morphed into a strange pile throughout the night. Yasha stays curled as the little spoon, with Jester in the middle, her tail curling around one of Yasha’s legs and nose buried in her shoulder. Beau is the big spoon, with her cheek squished against the pillow, arm thrown over Jester, and palm resting - much more comfortably now - on Yasha’s waist.

Jester assess the situation briefly, before a wicked grin takes over her features. After whispering a brief prayer to The Traveler, she attempts to slip out of the bed without either of them noticing. Figuring the easiest way to do so would be to use magic, she casts Polymorph on herself to make herself a small insect. She quickly leaves the space, buzzing through the room hovers just beside the door.

With one hand still on Yasha, Beau instinctively moves closer while still asleep. She occupies Jester’s old space, curling her arm further around Yasha.

Yasha, on the other hand, is a much lighter sleeper. She doesn’t need to look to know that Jester is up to one of her tricks, but she keeps her eyes closed as she feels Beau get closer, pressing into her back. A brief smile flutters to her lips, her heart dipping in a way that she hasn’t felt for a long time.

Yasha doesn’t make any sound or movements, but she does hear a distinct buzzing grow fainter and fainter as Jester slips under the door and leaves the room.

When Beau wakes a little while later, she’s completely mortified. That is, until she realises that Yasha’s arm is resting on top of hers around Yasha’s waist, and her fingertips are ever-so-slightly entwined with hers.

**Author's Note:**

> Perhaps more CR stuff to come in the future? We shall see.


End file.
